After a month of scraping by on the streets, I was getting the hang of things. In mid-January 2008 I saved up enough money for a cheap motel room and a Chinese dinner. The motel I stayed in was so sketchy that there was actually an AA meeting at the motel organized by the "permanent" residents. I put my feet up in the bed, turned on the TV, which didn't have cable, and watched TMZ as I thoroughly enjoyed my Chinese takeout.
As fate would have it, that happened to be while Britney Spears was going crazy, shortly after she shaved her head. On that particular day, TMZ had footage of Britney coming out of a court appearance, speaking in a bad British accent. In the middle of all the cameras, a homeless guy walked up and asked Britney for money. As a seasoned panhandler myself at that point, I thought that was hilarious. But it wasn't as good as her answer. "You're probably better off than I am," Britney replied. I laughed so hard I almost dropped my dinner. After eating, I pulled my panhandling sign out of my backpack and grabbed my marker. It read "Hungry and homeless" on the front. Just to amuse myself, I wrote "Better off than Britney" on the back of my sign.
The next day, I was out at one of the best ramps panhandling. A group of cars pulled up to the light. I looked around, no one signaled to give me money. So I turned my sign around, showing them the "Better off than Britney" side. Within seconds a guy in the second lane honked. I ran over and saw it was a big, burly guy with lots of tattoos. He handed me a five dollar bill and said, "I saw that on TV last night. Dude, that sign is soooo funny." I used funny signs the rest of the time I was panhandling.
Don't panhandle unless you're really homeless or down and out, OK?
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